Dane Cook

I gotta say, I'm pretty thankful for Dane Cook. Whenever I've had a bad day, or just a long one, I come home to the apartment, plug my iPod into my ears, and listen to his Harmful if Swallowed skits. They always seem to perk me up, because he tells it like it is, even all the secret zany thoughts that everyone else has probably had at one point or another. So it's nice to get that release, to hear someone else say the things you always wish you could, without coming off as a blatant bastard. :)

I've got a current situation on my hands that reminds me of the "Fuckin' Brian's Coming!" skit he performs. You know, how there's always that one person in a group that you wish wouldn't show up, but he NEVER fails to skip an event. While he's gone, you all just snicker and rip on him, sharing how you all hate his guts...but when he comes slithering up, right on time, you're all nice and like, "Ooooh, hey, Brian! How are ya, buddy? Hahahaha, that's good, real good! Come on over here!" Bah...you just don't have the heart to tell him off and how much of a useless human wasteland he is.

"Fuckin' Brian's Coming! Let's get this demonseed out of here!"


Meet my physics study group: Jacob, Eric, Sonja, Connie, myself...and...Craig.

Jacob refers to Craig as Rancid Breath: he either has a severe undercover drinking problem, or has gangrene growing in his esophagus, because every time he opens your mouth you want to hide from the odors, behind bulletproof fiberglass.

He always comes slothing into our study groups, which meet in the conference room in EMS E371 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12:30 to 3 PM. His clothes are disheveled underneath his puke-green winter jacket, his hair uncombed, and there is always this white shit in the corners of his lips.

He has nothing to add to our group, really, because he is incompetent for this course. As a prerequisite, you are told to have successfully completed or be concurrently taking Calc 3. Craig is slumbering through Calc 2. He barely knows integrals, let alone double integrals or anything beyond trig substitution.

Eeek. He also skips class profusely. There were two weeks of class (which meets every day, M-F) where he didn't show. We later got it out of him that he was "just really busy preparing for a Halloween party, and things were just craaaaazy at home! Plus I wanted to catch up on my sleep." So he was sleeping in, through class.

Fuckin' Brian's coming!

Somehow, he still manages to pull off a B in the class. Even when he missed the weekly quizzes in discussion. Or fails to turn in his weekly 7-page packet of homework, to the lecture. Or when he even *does* manage to turn it in, only half of the problems are complete.

I feel the worst for Jacob. He is such a great guy, a true gentleman, and he tries so hard in this class! But I think he tries so hard, that it backfires on him, and he over-thinks himself into the wrong answer. So much so that he is getting a C in the class. Lower than Craig.

Booo. Poor poor Jacob. I wish I could help him somehow, short of answering his study group questions.

Fuckin' Brian's coming! Baaah ha ha ha, Dane Cook.