October 1st

I am anxiously, anxiously waiting this day.

I have been on special assignment at Honda from May 4th through October 1st. October 1st signifies freedom for me, where I finish my assignment and return to my home department.

A sweet, sweet release. Christmas come early. My birthday, come late. A Prisoner of War liberation.

If you only knew, though, how much stress I endure and have to keep inside, on a given day...!

I mean, I know I write quite freely on my blog about my job, and although no one at Honda knows the URL to this blog, if they really had the time they COULD sit down and search for it. I recognize that, and I account for that (minuscule) probability. And so far, what I've written, I can cover for. I'm not really worried if by some crazy shot in H-E-double-hockey-sticks one of my Honda coworkers finds this and happens to be displeased with how I describe them in one of my 'profiling' posts. We can work that out and get past it.

But my thoughts on this assignment - my supervisor - the content of my work - all of that, I know I have to hold inside, because sharing those thoughts could one day down the road land me in really hot water. (Or, good Lord forbid, unemployment!) It's just unprofessional and not necessary, anyway.

I have just...so many questions...so many frustrations....and my mind spins. And at the end of a work day when I make it back to my apartment and collapse, I find that my brain has turned to mush! Everything just runs together! What was it he said to me at 7 AM today? What phone call came in at noon? How did this side project ever get started again??

I'm caught in a political mind game instead of being able to simply WORK and try to improve the product from our company. Yes, each of us in our workplaces over the years have faced this. And yes, I'm not dumb to the fact that these games exist everywhere you go. It's just that I have a heavy dose of it. If you would like me to provide evidence to this, I will. Just sit down and buckle up. :-) :-)

I know once I switch to my home department, the managerial style will change, and the structure will change - and a LOT of these scabs will fall away.

Hence why I am anxious to be freed, on October 1st. Even though the latest game, is to try to get me to stay LONGER than this date. A lot of investigation has gone into this, and sadly all we are is powerless to just sit here and suck it up. Put up with the difficulty and twisted mind games until October. Then, the official paperwork and documentation is what will free me. It's essentially the contract that lists the dates of my assignment.

I am OUT on October 1st. Fair and square. I did my time.

In the meantime, I'll continue to check myself at the door, plaster a smile on my face, put my nose to the grind and perform, and silently carry the weight of all of this on my shoulders to save others a few minutes of peace. (I seem to always volunteer myself into these types of positions. Hrmmm.)

Regardless, I am not a force to be reckoned with. :-)

---- END power trip for the day! ----