Major Change #3: Being Happy

Continuing on with the awaited posts of the several changes I've made in my life, the third one that I've noticed is that I am happy again.

Last year, namely last semester, was the longest one of my life. I did fine with classes, got all my As, but getting to that point was one of the hardest tests for myself. By February I was seriously ready to actually drop out of college, I was so burned out and numb from the Milwaukee lifestyle. I started counting down the days to spring break by the second week of classes, like nearly obsessing over the countdown, and once spring break had finally rolled up to my curb and drove on past, I started counting down the days and aching for the freedom of moving out of the dorms and to sweet sweet Suamico for three rejuvenating months.

I feel cold and shadowed when I think back on how last year treated me. I hated going to class, and while I was in each class, each day, for the four months, I would just stare at the clock and beckon it to tick faster. The winter was long and cold, and I felt pretty damn alone, living in a single dorm room with suitemates that were horribly, horribly catty, and still stuck in high school.

Just...all the little things...the dead trees from my high-in-the-sky dorm room view, eating nothing but oatmeal for lunch and supper since I was too afraid to cook in the kitchen where the other girls would sit and watch me and make me feel all self-conscious, feeling tired all the time, and working for my classes but not really enjoying them. I was stuck in a creepy doldrum, the weeks were almost repeating themselves, so I couldn't get any farther ahead in life, and I actually did obsess over looking up the timetable for Fall 2006, only finding solace in dreaming of a new semester, which would bring up a new year and a new place to live. I remember looking up the website for the timeteble before it was even officially posted on the internet; I would look just about once a week. I had figured out a way to look up the "DRAFT" timetable website, where courses were up, but still unofficially planned. I'd plan my whole semester off of that, and look at it almost every night, just waiting and wishing to get a new load of classes that may be better for me. Even once the timetable was officially published online, I had had my schedule all planned out, five weeks beforehand. Just because it helped for me to look ahead.

Here's where I'm thankful of my stubborn Irish descent: I didn't give up. I stuck to it, plowed through the semester even if it caused me to shake and shiver, and came out on top with another semester in the bank of making it on the Dean's List. :P

I went home, magic happened, and now I'm back and happy and enjoying my busy days. I don't mind being gone from the apartment for half-days on end, buzzing from class to class to study group to meeting to class to lab write-up to meeting, to grocery shopping, and then finally home. I love love love being in the EMS building on campus, in EMS E371, the engineering student organization cubicle room, where everybody knows my name (yes, sing it to the tune from Cheers). The weeks are flying by, and just today I was e-mailing my mom at work, telling her how incredulous it is to be planning upcoming things around Christmas already!!

And the coolest part is, not once have I peeked ahead at the DRAFT timetable for Spring 2007. Sure, I know it's out there. But I am actually content and feeling satisfied with my classes and schedule for this semester, that I don't mind reveling in it and enjoying what I've got here, in the moment. It is great! I'm thinking about things and actually executing on them, instead of wimping out and just waiting for someone else to take care of it for me. I'm back to my old self, and finding ways to enjoy Milwaukee while I am down here. I mean hell, I am stuck here for another year and a half, so I might as well make the most of it, right??

This is how it's supposed to be, huh? This is what it's like to like your life.

I am glad.



Major or not, these 'major changes' that I've stepped up and taken care of have not changed my interests or beliefs. I'm still the same person, just better off. :)