Honesty

Honesty is like a flu shot.  It may give you a short, sharp pain, but it keeps you healthier in the long run.

Willard Harley Jr.

 

 

Wow.  Do I agree with this so, so deeply much.  This year I have been very brave and, I feel, very honest with different folks.  In some ways, I know that that honesty has meant I have had to speak up and say the truth that no one wanted to hear.  And shortly thereafter, I found out the real truth and honesty about these folks that didn't want to hear my own honesty, anyway.  I found out about the honesty and true colors of these folks that were not good enough to speak up and tell me in the first place.  Ouch.  I was honest with them, so why could they not be honest with me?

 

In some ways, that immediately vindicates to me that I made the right decisions, and my honesty saved me.

And yet on the other end of the spectrum of honesty, I have poured my heart out.  I emotionally stripped and revealed the gentlest, most sincere respect and gratitude I have towards a person -- and I heard nothing in response.  Nothing.  I was honest, put myself out on a limb, and admitted some very heartfelt, vulnerable feelings.

Do you know how hard it is to tell someone you care about them, and for them to just say, "thanks, but no thanks?"

Better yet, do you know how hard it is to tell someone you care about them, and they say nothing?  Nothing.  Nothing, nothing, nothing.  

 

I would have rather taken the -- keyword here -- honesty for them to take option #1 and just come out and simply say "thanks, but no thanks."  Again, I am disappointed -- so utterly crestfallen -- that I was honest, but saw absolutely zero of this in return.  I gave it my best, played all my cards, and had it all thrown right back in my face.

I know that there are many cliches that can apply here - silly, empty hopes.  But the one that I still have hope for, is that "you get out what you put in."

What I am trying to get at, is that I have put in a lot of honesty.  I have put in a lot of guts, a lot of my true self.  I can only hope that I will get some honesty and genuine truth in return, someday.  From friendships, from relationships, from relatives.....

Because yes, this year has been a short, sharp pain for me -- but I strive to get through this growth as I know it will keep me healthier in the long run.

The end.