I have been doing a lot of thinking about where I am in life, who I want to have in my life, what I am doing out here on my own, what is going to come next, etc.
I have been extremely torn up about it.
Timing is something. A friend from college emailed me tonight to ask me about my experiences with choosing to move out-of-state, away from home. She and her husband are thinking about moving out of state for a few years, but have a lot of hesitations. She wanted my two cents.
Oh, if she only knew what I have already been having to weigh, with this very issue.........!
I just started typing to her and told her my honest thoughts. At the end, I sat back and reread what I wrote, and by the hand of God or some other flashing neon sign, I found some reassurance in my own words.
Check it out. A copy/paste excerpt of what I typed to her:
Friend: "So question for you, maybe you have some advice. Did you decide to move
because of your job and did you intend to stay there for good?"
My Response: "I think it is so awesome that you two are thinking of moving to a new
state. Yes, I did move to a new state 100% because of my job offer.
Even now that I am on my own, it has been a very good life experience for me to do this. I can tell I have developed a different level of maturity, and gained perspective on a lot of things. The world is so big -- just the U.S. alone is so big, you have got to get out and taste test it!
And as for staying here permanently, now that I have gone out and moved here -- oh man....I get sick to my stomach and would absolutely cry if I ever even thought about leaving here. I love my job so much, is why. My work partners are like family and my job has unlocked so much for me. However, every single day of my life I do admit I think about my family and all the little things I am missing, by choosing to move away from home. It is always going to be a double-edged sword.
To be honest, my approach now is that I will stay here and work my job until I feel I have gotten every thing I could out of it, or if it starts to go to the wayside where it no longer rewards me enough to keep me here. (For example, say I change work partners and my new partners are not as supportive; I get a promotion and the new added responsibilities are too much, etc.) If the job loses its luster, I will do some hard thinking about moving and trying a new city. This could mean either (a) moving to yet another state or, yes, (b) moving back home if the timing is right. So, no, I do not see Ohio as permanent. It could last for another year; or it could keep me here indefinitely until I am ready to retire. I am up for anything, pretty open.
I do sense that with each visit that I go back home, it gets harder and harder to say good bye and leave. I miss my family. I am missing out on visions of having my own little chic cottage-style house in the woods, with an attached two-stall garage that I can wrench on the Beetle, and have Dad come over on a weeknight and help me out. Just us hanging out and bonding, radio blaring in the background. I am missing going over to my parents' house for dinner, talking and laughing. I am missing out on visiting with my Grandpa any given Tuesday night, and him teaching me to shoot pool like a shark. I am also missing out on him riding past my imaginary chic home on his daily motorcycle ride, seeing how my grass is trimmed or how the yard is landscaped! I am missing the Packers, watching WBAY each night, running races back home on my own turf, and sure, being with friends that have been a vein in my life for a long, long time. Ultimately, I could even have the Venn Diagram of all my lives: doing my engineering thing by day, but also finally taking up getting into the rescue field and working at County Rescue on the side as well. You don't think I don't think about these things? Talk to me sometime, the river runs deep!
But then I also think about here....and how I work for the big, bad OEM automotive company. The auto factory is where it is at! Even working at a supplier would never be the same. I love the life inside the walls of work. If I could just fly through one work day with a videocamera mounted to my forehead, you could all see just how much I push it and get things done and the kinds of specific items I get into. You could see all the people I interact with, the phone calls I make, the nooks and crannies I crawl into. It is intense, but so kick ASS! I also think about how I have it all here -- the cool shopping malls (Easton, Polaris), downtown Columbus as the state capital and 'big city' feel if I really want it; otherwise, head west to the state parks and going canoeing. OSU is here, ripe for the picking, where I can get my master's degree in the next few years (!!!). There is the specialty running store where I can get my running shoes. Victoria's Secret global headquarters are here, where ordering their clothing on-line leads to SAME DAY shipping for me! AH! (Get your mind out of the gutter, VS's CLOTHES are the best fitting.) Plus I've got my circle of girlfriends, where we are all 20-somethings and all trying to figure out life. We can hang out over ice cream, or all be in our running club together. I've never really had this before, it is humbling and I kind of feel like I belong.
When I first decided to move away, my dad told me, "Ashley, you can always try it for a year. Just give it a year, and if it wasn't what you thought it would be....then come back home. But you have to get out there to say you at least tried it." So, I did!
And you can never, ever blame a girl for trying. 3 1/2 years later....and I'm still alive and kicking.
Conclusion: I realized in writing to my friend that I am doing OK and I will continue to stick it out here while I am at status quo like I am. Whatever will be, will be. The rest will all come to me in time, and I am so cool to go along for the ride whenever it comes knocking at my door. And my door is always open.
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