Just living alone out here, sort of locked into this sealed place that no one will ever truly know about until they try out 'the bubble' for themselves.
I am definitely alone out here - Colin, you so called it. It's hard to tow the line on your own and live a life out here that no one will share with you except for me, myself, and I.
Don't get me wrong: I am REALLY liking my job and all of the exposure I am getting to some pretty killer-amazing mamba-jahamba machinery, as well as to be able to simply reach out and touch brand-spanking new cars each day as they come to life. I work with brilliant people, funky people, and I am soaking up so much more of the politics of the automotive industry that lie behind the black cloth. It's all fascinating, I cannot keep up with it! I definitely, definitely made the correct decision for the betterment of my life, by coming out here and taking this job.
It's just very taxing and exhausting; more than I ever, ever fathomed it would be. And it's not even the WORK part of it that is so tiring and mentally stressful. It's still the whole adjustment/relocation process that is taking a lot out of me. Five weeks into this and I still have a to-do list and projects that unravel before I can even wrap my head around them. There is SO much more to relocating than what initially met my eye, my goodness. It's a huge project and something that is the focus of my conversation topics; I think it would be my focus for a long time coming if no one got sick of talking about it, too. :)
I'm tired quite a lot, not going to deny that. I've managed to fall asleep, or at least feel my eyes weld shut, WHILE someone is talking to me. I pass out as soon as I sit down on my couch when I get done with work for the day. Borderline narcolepsy, really. I have a numbing dull ache in the back of my head whenever I get up to walk around, coming out of zombie mode and scolding myself to snap out of it and wake up and think on my feet. Drinking Mountain Dew for the caffeine (yes, I finally caved into that trend - only twice though!) doesn't even work. My body hates me, I swear....that's just how run down I have been feeling. 14 hours of sleep needed every night, guaranteed, so I can remotely feel like a functioning human the next day.
And nobody knows it but me; no one really feels it but me, you know? I don't want to play the pity card here; that's not what I'm going for at all. I'm just trying to provide you all a window of what life is really like, to go out and do this. It's not as easy as it looks on paper, it's not something that 'just anybody' can do, and you're CERTAINLY not all over and done with the transition as soon as the last vase or coaster is set in juuust-the-right-place with your new home's interior decorating scheme.
It goes deeper than that. You have to watch for your own feelings and needs; no one else sure is going to now! Prepare your own meals so you eat healthy; de-clog your own shower when your damn hair backs it up; watch the local news and learn your way around town; make conversation with the cashiers at the stores you go to, desperately just trying to make acquaintances. If you feel lonely or anky, but are too proud to pick up the phone to call someone, then you asked for it: find something to do or a TV show to watch, to get you back up on that horse.
It's just you there to get yourself up in the cold pitch-black mornings at 4:30 AM; be the only one to know what it FEELS LIKE to get up at 4:30 AM (sheeesh!); have the motivation to keep going and walk out to the car in the cold at 5:30 AM; and then of course, go to work for a full 8 hours and take in a whole world that no one from your personal life would really understand unless they were there working that world, themselves.
And that's what Honda is. You pull up to the factory and park. Get out of your car and walk up to the building and to the first set of doors to get into the building. You use your fancy-dancy swipe card to get into the electronically-controlled circular doors, and BOOM -- once you swing through those doors and to the other side of them, you're in an FTZ world (Federal Trade Zone), a world of just Honda and all things Honda confidential. You go to the locker room and to your locker.....but just when it starts to feel like high school gym class in there, you take off your coat and realize you're now a part of the sea of professional white uniforms. For the next 8 hours, you are what they call a 'Hondroid,' my friend. You talk, think, and focus on Honda.
But I've noticed the job is so important, and so much the pinnacle of associates' lives here, that their personal lives become Honda lives. A Honda employee's friends are: Honda friends. A Honda employee's neighbors are: Honda neighbors. A Honda employee's weekend plans include: road tripping with coworkers from Honda. A night out to eat at the local Buffalo Wild Wings as a Honda employee means: conversation topics obsessing over Honda and their opinions on the goings-on at work. If I had to put a percentage on it, I'd even say 20% of Honda employees found their spouses at Honda, too. Another 20% helped their spouses find jobs at Honda once they got in themselves, just as well.
This is all still pretty new to me and I have not yet established my circle out here. I still have a chance to make it composed of people other than Honda folk. So far, my circle is pretty weak, since my two full time jobs have consumed all of my time: (1) my own day job and then (2) coming home to focus on certain people from back home and helping them along their way, too.
Thus far, that's how it is. I come home to just myself at the end of the day, and really, just sit there and mull over/review the specifics of the day I've just had.
It comes and goes in waves: I get excited when I relive certain parts, thinking, "Oooooh, I SO have to tell that to my WI circle about what I got to do today!" Or, "Ohoh, what Matt and Tom did at work was so funny! I would love to re-tell their spoof so people can kind of get to know these two characters better!" Other parts I think about are the logic and the politics I learned how to skate through, and feel so stoked to teach it, myself. And there are, of course, frustrating moments I'll come across in a day (like having to teach myself Catia CAD or handle a zone quality phone call that made me feel clueless) that, although at the time really strung me out on a line, I overcame it all by myself. :)
All of these things, so many little things, that are now the joys and the ins and outs of my days - and I feel sort of trapped with how to express them. They are who I am now, you know? They are teaching me new things, filling my brain, helping me grow as a person. So, for people to stay in touch with me and keep track of me, I sort of feel compelled for them to know about all the new ways Honda is helping color me.
But where to start? So far, I haven't. Instead I just trudge day to day, racking up these experiences and sharing them really with just myself - resulting in me becoming better friends with me. (Do you follow that comment?) While simultaneously being my own coach, I'm still out there balancing, catering, and being the listening ear to everyone else. It's sort of cute, in a way, listening to these folks and their days. I'm glad they at least have their comfort zones, their family, their familiar territory, their learned way around town and the little habits or traditions/things they do to just unwind. I'm glad they have all of that as a backboard, instead of being in my current position where I still have to construct that backboard, let alone use it, after first putting in a whole day of work.
I emailed this to Zach and felt it good to repeat here for the rest of you: "Sometimes it really feels like my life flipped right over, like a fat guy tipping a living room couch backwards onto the floor: there is a huge disconnect between the life I had in Wisconsin and the life I'm trying to forge now in Ohio."
It certainly is an interesting adjustment and much more long and drawn out than when I relocated to Mississippi. But, this time around I am stronger and more steadfast than I was when I went through the Mississippi move; I'm determined to get through this and blow the doors right off their hinges while on my way through it.
I want this so badly and I don't want it taken away from me, especially now when I've been working so hard at it. I can see the progress in me chipping away at the huge ice block: it's taking shape and glistening. Please don't underestimate me, and don't sell my strength short. Here's another interesting twist: please don't tell me I'm not strong enough to handle other life obstacles - what I'm going through right now is probably deserving enough to be on the list of 'Top 10 Most Difficult Things You Could do with Your Life."
You're welcome to continue watching me grow and pull myself through this part of my life, though. I just wanted to exercise my thoughts in this post, to finally take my turn to tell about the weight I've been digging out from under. :) I'm doing well - just know it's there. :)
Besides, living in a bubble-gum flavored bubble wouldn't be too bad of an option now, would it? ;)
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